At Wikipedia while trying to get to the JRR Tolkien page I ended up on an alternative bio. Don't look now it was only there for a short time. Here are the highlights:
Famous director, author, actor, politician, biologist and hockey player (as well as frequent mentor to Batman's younger cousin Manbat), J.R.R.S.F.B.A.B.C.D.E.F.X.Y.Z. Tolkien is the historian who discovered that the true history of the earth was being covered up by the world's governments, who did not want the general population to know of the existence of dragons, elves, hobbits, magic, etc, in order to maintain control over their people.
His written work is characterized by disputes over the ownership of jewelry, and the hand injuries that occur as a result.
He was also reputed to be the head of a secret society of monarchists who use film to undermine democracy and return the West to the Dark Ages. This secret order is called The Royal Society for Counter-Strike revolution.
Ate a lot of corn and peas.